Level Up: A Gay Man's Guide to Thriving in Love and Life

Okay, let's be real. Navigating the world as a gay man can feel like climbing a mountain sometimes. There's the initial ascent of self-acceptance, the winding trails of dating, and the summit of building lasting, fulfilling relationships. But just like conquering Everest, the view from the top is absolutely worth the climb. So, how do you become a better gay man? It's about more than just looking good; it's about feeling good, loving fiercely, and living authentically.

The Inner Game: Self-Love and Acceptance

Before you can even think about dating, relationships, or anything else, you've got to work on the foundation: yourself. How can you expect someone else to love you if you don't love yourself first? Easier said than done, right? We're bombarded with images of "perfection" in the gay community - six-pack abs, chiseled jaws, the list goes on. But let's ditch the stereotypes and embrace what makes you, you.

• Challenge Internalized Homophobia: This is a big one. Years of societal pressure can leave scars. Actively challenge negative self-talk and embrace your identity with pride. Remember those feelings from when you were younger and realized that this is the way you are and there is nothing to be ashamed of? You are a special person with a unique background.
• Normalize Body Types: Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Stop comparing yourself to unrealistic standards and appreciate the body you have. Focus on health and well-being, not just aesthetics.
• Embrace Gender Expression: Masculine, feminine, somewhere in between? It doesn't matter! Express yourself authentically, without worrying about fitting into pre-defined boxes. The more you express and be who you are, the more comfortable you will become.

Dating Decoded: Finding Your Match

So, you're ready to put yourself out there. Awesome! But dating can be a minefield. Here's how to navigate it like a pro:

1. Get Started and Take Risks

Attraction is subjective and you never know when someone may be interested in you. You may be surprised at what you find. By simply putting yourself out there, you are learning and exploring. Don't be afraid to take the first step, join dating apps, attend LGBTQ+ events, or even just strike up a conversation with that cute guy at the coffee shop. The worst that can happen is they're not interested, and that's okay!

2. Take Your Time

It's exciting when you think you have found a connection, but don't rush into anything. Get to know the person before jumping into a committed relationship. This will take the pressure off of the other person.

3. Date Available People

This is the foundation of dating people who want to date you. If they are always making excuses and never making time, then move on. There are tons of people out there that want to date and may be interested in you!

4. Be Patient

Finding the right match takes time and requires dedication. Remember that you are working towards finding the perfect person for you. Enjoy the process, learn from each experience, and don't get discouraged if it doesn't happen overnight.

5. Share Your Feelings

Even if it feels scary, be open and honest with potential partners. Express your emotions and communicate your needs. Vulnerability is key to building intimacy.

6. Abandon Hopeless Relationships

Know when to walk away. If a relationship is consistently draining you, causing you pain, or not meeting your needs, it's okay to let it go. You deserve a fulfilling and enriching partnership.

7. Ask for What You Want

Don't be afraid to express your desires and needs. Clear communication is essential for a healthy relationship. If you don't ask, you won't get!

8. Accept Their Feelings

You are each an individual. You each have your own unique feelings. Listen to your partner and acknowledge how they feel.

9. Level Up Your Social Skills

It can be intimidating at first, but to find a compatible partner takes some work and weeding out the non-compatible ones. Of course be yourself, but you might want to level up your social skills, since that's kind of the key element to get dates. It can even be someplace cheap like a Starbucks or TGIFridays, or someplace you can sit at a bar and just chat. How much of your time, attention, money, etc. And how much do you expect from them? Be ready to learn from your differences, and be ready to share who you really are. My husband and I seem like opposites at times, but we complement each other in a lot of ways. Avoid setting up the first date too far into the future — the likelihood of actually meeting shrinks every day you wait to meet after 'meeting' on the apps. Save the 'getting to know you' part until you meet up — makes it more fun. The best dates I've been on were simple things like a cup of coffee, a walk or going to movies. So many guys chase men who play them. That's okay if you just want fun, but not healthy for a relationship. We're all people, and fallible. If you find someone you connect with on some level that is trustworthy, reliable, loving, and cares for you, it's worth it to give them a chance. No one is perfect, but a guy who is relationship material will be genuinely interested in something about life. You should have a hobby, too, because they will be slowly working on improving themselves. Those are the guys who are worth your time dating.

Building a Rock-Solid Relationship

Congratulations, you've found someone special! Now the real work begins. A healthy relationship requires effort, communication, and a willingness to grow together. What does that look like?

• Claim space for yourself: Have time to yourself and allow your partner to have time to themselves. The time apart will make the time together that much better.
• Embrace Individuality: Take a vacation by yourself each year; your partner can do the same. Give that time to your partner. Learn how to take space for yourself and give space to your partner. Coming back together will be even sweeter.
• Open Communication: Talk about everything. Seriously, everything. Share your hopes, fears, dreams, and insecurities. Listen actively and empathetically to your partner's perspective.
• Compromise and Collaboration: You won't always agree, and that's okay. Learn to compromise and find solutions that work for both of you. A relationship is a team effort.
• Forgiveness: Nobody's perfect. Learn to forgive quickly and move forward. Holding onto grudges will only create resentment and distance.
• Seek Professional Help: If you're struggling, don't be afraid to seek couples therapy. A therapist can provide valuable tools and strategies to improve communication and resolve conflicts.

Beyond the Relationship: Living Your Best Life

Being a "better gay man" isn't just about relationships; it's about living a fulfilling and authentic life. It's about:

• Personal Grooming: Develop personal grooming, wardrobe, and lifestyle habits can help you look and feel your best, while developing your personality, passions, and self.
• Finding Your Tribe: Surround yourself with supportive friends and community members who uplift and inspire you. Find a hobby, sport, or social activity that appeals to you and search for a group in your area, and if one doesn't exist, create it! The same goes if you have a fetish. Even if you don't meet the love of your life through the group, it will be easier to make friends with gay guys who have other friends not in the group that you could end up hitting it off with. At worst, you'll be delicious. And at best, you'll find somebody that loves peaches.
• Pursuing Your Passions: What makes you come alive? Devote time to your hobbies, interests, and creative pursuits.
• Making a Difference: Find ways to give back to your community, whether it's through volunteering, activism, or simply being a positive influence on those around you.

Being a better gay man is a journey, not a destination. It's about continuous growth, self-discovery, and embracing all that you are. So, take a deep breath, be kind to yourself, and enjoy the ride. The view from the top is waiting.